Following a recent domestic “discussion” about yet another lame-named new age breakfast cereal that appeared in the pantry recently, my wife and I agreed to disagree. The cereal in question is called Nature’s Path Organic Optimum Cranberry Ginger and looked suspiciously like Kibble n’ Bits.
My initial skepticism was only reinforced when I began to read the packaging that included a “Nature’s Path Manifesto” with the following bold headline:
I kid you not – you can’t make this stuff up. And who associates fine dining with breakfast cereal? Clearly they don’t get out much if their only association with gourmet eateries brings to mind “stuffiness and elevator music.” No wonder as the company is based in Blaine, WA a town with a population of 5000 and a Google search of gourmet dining in Blaine brings up three options.
I bravely shook out a handful to taste – it was a combination of recycled cardboard flakes, ground organic brown rice, wheat bran and sunflower oil pressed together and extruded in the shape of twigs (their characterization, not mine), organic cold-rolled oat and oat bran clusters, organic quinoa and cous-cous crispies, and toasted organic soy nuts. The few organic cranberries I located were petrified. If there was truth in advertising, their slogan would have read,
Like Tasteful, Fine Dining…
Without the “Tastiness”
In the words of the late Euwell (Cat tails, yes they’re edible) Gibbons, “Mmmm…Tastes nutty.” After my mini-rant had run its course my wife smiled, ate another spoonful and calmly suggested I move the letters around on the masthead and re-name this publication 2Opinion8ed.